I have recently been promoted to admin for the Parody Football League. Midweek Game 1 will process tonight and we have seven teams that would LOVE to have human owners:

New England -- https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/7 picked to finish second in the AFC East by some writer guy with too much free time on his hands. $84K of clear cap space and coming off an 8-7-1 mark last season.

Baltimore -- https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/9 with $119K of cap room and predicted second in the AFC North after going 12-4 and making a run to the League Championship game before falling victim to the 3-time champion buzzsaw that is Arizona. Are you the coach that can help them get over that last hurdle?

Indianapolis -- https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/16 has no expectations this season and $27K in free cap space. They went 5-11 last season and would love a leader that can take them north of the .500 mark.

Jacksonville -- https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/14 is looking forward to beating up on Indianapolis this season in the AFC South, just like it did last season when it won the division with a 12-4 record. They have roughly $33K in cap space that an unscrupulous owner could attempt to embezzle, or use as a down payment on another playoff run.

NY Giants -- https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/18 have $147K in their cap for the year. They're picked to finish third in their division, but after a 2-13-1 regular season last year, that would be an improvement and the owner that did that would find doors opening in the social circles of the Big Apple!

Seattle -- https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/24 is in a position to dethrone the 3x champions. By that I mean that you're in the same division as Arizona and therefore have twice as many chances to knock them off. Hey, what's that pro wresting saying, if you wanna be the best, you've gotta beat the best! Seattle has $47K in cap space available and was 4-12 last season.

New Orleans -- https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/30 The Big Easy, Mardi Gras and the chance to slap around yours truly twice a year -- what could possibly be better than that? Okay, I'll throw in $125K in available cap cash and the comfort of knowing the team was 7-9 just last season.

In addition to having a great supportive cluster of coaches, you'll also find my effort to keep my finger on the pulse of the league in my write-ups in the league newsletter The National Lampoon. Come join us please...my job might depend on it!!

Bumping...all 7 of the above teams remain available. Jacksonville is off to a 2-0 start with a dominating ground assault.

Parody has openings available as we approach the post-season -- including likely playoff teams in Jacksonville and Carolina and wildcard hopeful New England. Week 14 games are approaching...this would be a great time to pick up a team and shape its contracts to your liking with the off-season just ahead.

https://parody.myfootballnow.com/

We are just starting the playoffs and the following teams are open -- great time to join and plot your strategy to greatness! PM me if you have any questions -- great league to be a part of!

Denver Broncos (5-11 in 2024 season)
https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/1
$8.6M dead cap for next season
Key players -- WR Kenneth Phelps (94 overall, 7th season, signed for 4 more years), MLB Ted Franco (88 overall, Rookie, signed for 3 more)

Kansas City (4-12)
https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/4
$9.5M dead cap for next season
Key players -- FS David Barrett (99 overall, 8th season, signed for 1 more year), WR John Labonte (93 overall, 3rd season, signed for 1 more year), FS Andrew Titsworth (92 overall, 4th season, signed for 4 more years)
Note: This team was on fire late -- defeated three straight playoff teams in weeks 13-15!

New England (7-9)
https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/7
$21.9M dead cap for next season
Key players -- CB Joel Garcia (92 overall, 8th season, signed for 1 more year), RT Ira Quinonez (89 overall, 6th season, signed for 4 more years), DT Phillip Daniels (90 overall, 10th season, signed for 4 more years), RG Michael Tucker (91 overall, 3rd season, signed for 1 more year), WLB Ted Gray (86 overall, 4th season, signed for 4 more years)

Pittsburgh (7-9)
https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/10
$3.9M dead cap for next season
Key players -- TE Chester Abbott (92 overall, 3rd season, signed for 1 more year)
Note: Pitt has 4 additional players in the 85-92 overall range that are in the final year of their contracts for a numbers whiz who wants to come in and resign them.

Jacksonville (10-6, WILDCARD TEAM that simmed the whole season!)
https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/14
$7.9M dead cap for next season
Key players -- RG Christopher Phillips (89 overall, 2nd season, signed for 2 more years), RB Sean Torres (89 overall, 4th season, signed for 4 more years), TE James Schulte (88 overall, 4th season, signed for 4 more years), C Christopher Martin (88 overall, 5th season, signed for 5 more years), CB David Williams (85 overall, 2nd season, signed for 2 more years)
Note: SOMEONE NEEDS TO GRAB THIS TEAM! Play out its postseason and then make it yours!

Indianapolis (3-13)
https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/16
Less than $1M dead cap next season
Key Players -- RDE Kenneth May (92 overall, Rookie, signed for 3 more years), QB Kenneth Pierce (88 overall, 2nd season, signed for 2 more years)
Note: Indy also has 5 players with overalls of 88+ in the final year of their contract (mostly O-linemen) and $1.5M in cap space that could possibly be used to resign some of that prior to free agency.

Washington (7-9)
https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/20
$8.5M dead cap for next season
Key players -- RDE Jeff Greene (97 overall, 10th season, signed to 5 more years), CB Jason Jett (91 overall, 3rd season, signed to 1 more year), RB Raymond Damiano (90 overall, 5th season, signed for 3 more years), LDE Ronald Westfall (91 overall, 10th season, signed for 4 more years), RT Stanley Koch (87 overall, 9th season, signed for 4 more years)

New York Giants (2-14)
https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/18
$16.1M dead cap for next season
Key players -- LT Raymond Turner (98 overall, 6th season, signed for 3 more years), TE Michael Olds (89 overall, 7th season, signed for 3 more years), CB Louis Saver (91 overall, 3rd season, signed for 1 more year), WR George Cohen (90 overall, Rookie, signed for 3 more years), MLB James Cook (87 overall, 6th season, signed for 4 more years), SLB Gary Stevenson (90 overall, 7th season, signed for 1 more year), SS Robert Keating (88 overall, 4th season, signed for 4 more years)
Note: Afraid to take over a team because you're worried about ruining it. Don't be -- grab the Giants who have lost 10 straight games and are looking for any source of hope!!

San Francisco (7-9)
https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/21
$1.7M dead cap for next season
Key players -- QB Frank Steil (97 overall, 5th season, signed for 4 more years), C Steve Hill (88 overall, 9th season, signed for 4 more years), RB Arthur Kapley (89 overall, 5th season, signed for 3 more years), TE Oscar Mann (88 overall, 10th season, signed for 4 more years), LT Mark Power (90 overall, 5th season, signed for 4 more years), RG Edward Foust (89 overall, 2nd season, signed for 2 more years), WR William Smith (90 overall, 5th season, signed for 2 more years)
Note: GREAT opportunity to own one of the best quarterbacks in the league!

Seattle (4-12)
https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/24
NO DEAD CAP FOR NEXT SEASON!!
Key players -- LG Charles Kruse (94 overall, 6th season, signed 2 more years), RG Chris Taylor (92 overall, 6th season, signed 2 more years), RDE Joe Isom (94 overall, 2nd season, signed 2 more years), DT Jerry Sova (86 overall, 9th season, signed 4 more years)
Note: Seattle needs some TLC in the worst way. Seahawk fans have endured 243 consecutive minutes of scoreless football. It wouldn't take much. Just come in and kick a field goal and the stadium will erupt in chants of your name and sports pages will laud you a hero!

Carolina (12-4, DIVISIONAL CHAMPION)
https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/32
$19.7M dead cap for next season
Key players -- QB Scott Collins (97 overall, 6th season, signed for 4 more years), LT Ivan Hines (97 overall, 8th season, signed 5 more years), C Terry White (98 overall, 6th season, signed 4 more years), LG James Parker (93 overall, 5th season, signed 2 more years), WR Ryan Hopkins (88 overall, 6th season, signed 2 more years), WR Russell Breault (87 overall, 6th season, signed 2 more years)
Note: Human-owned team that was dropped midway through the year by an accomplished owner cutting back to focus on league management. This is a well-run unit that was picked by one brave soul to win it all this season. Can you be the Chosen One to fulfill that destiny?

New Orleans (6-10)
https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/30
$9.3M dead cap next season
Key players -- C Justin Wheatley (99 overall, 10th season, signed 1 more year), LT Charles Kirkpatrick (92 overall, 8th season, signed 4 more years)
Note: Come for Mardi Gras, stay to try and help this team!

Carolina Faces Dallas Cowboys ( preshead ) in the wildcard round




Jacksonville Faces Los Angeles Chargers ( Frosty 96 ) in wildcard round


game sims in 7 hours

Championship Game Just Ended -- Somebody help us dethrone the now-4x champion Arizona Cardinals PLEASE!! We currently have 15 slots available, including multiple human-owned playoff teams that were just dropped.

IN ADDITION...you'll receive a subscription (on the chat board) to The National Lampoon, the official newsletter of the Parody League, filled with game predictions, results, interviews and more (depending on my level of creativity and free time...)

Please come populate, league rolls to a new season tonight.

https://parody.myfootballnow.com/

17 openings which are
Arizona Cardinals = https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/23
Atlanta Falcons = https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/29
Carolina Panthers = https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/32
Cincinnati Bengals = https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/11
Cleveland Browns = https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/12
Denver Broncos = https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/1
Indianapolis Colts = https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/16
Kansas City Chiefs = https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/4
Los Angeles Chargers = https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/2
New England Patriots = https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/7
New Orleans Saints = https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/30
New York Giants = https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/18
Philadelphia Eagles = https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/19
Pittsburgh Steelers = https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/10
San Francisco 49ers = https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/21
Seattle Seahawks = https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/24
Washington Redskins = https://parody.myfootballnow.com/team/20

*Busts out my microphone and flips on the karaoke machine...*

https://youtu.be/crWSG6liT5Y

Grab a team!!